My Brain Is Shutting Down

This:



Awesome facebook posts #2

I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and he reminded me of this coversation. Good times.

Move in day

UPDATE:   I felt it necessary to add that, aside from myself and Brad no one else on the planet has ever been almost killed by a TV.



How many people can honestly say they were nearly killed by a TV? This guy can.  On Janurary 17th 2009 I hurriedly packed up my belongings and went to school against my will. Having returned home in the extremely early hours, only to get an email from my school saying "hey bitch, be here tomorrow."

Tomorrow rolls around, and We're enroute. I'm ansy all day because the Jets are in the playoffs and they're rolling. I'm the only one it seems who thinks that they don't only have a shot against the Chargers, but will win.

I miserably carry my stuff in through a freezing rain while texting my angry girlfriend who I had to blow off to go back, but didn't believe I even was at school. After about 4 back and forths between the car, and the 4 flights of stairs to my room I watch the Cowboys get beat down by the Vikings. Alright. It's game time.

I hurry to my room and first things first, TV needs to get set up.  Without question the best place in my mind to put the TV was atop my roommates closet, it's in the corner, you can see it from everywhere in the room, its the best spot.

My TV isn't new. I'm pretty sure I got it on my 13th birthday. It's huge and bulky  and nearly impossible to hold comfortably. Not only is it hard to hold normally, but at that moment I was standing on a chair that was built to rock slightly. As I go to raise the TV onto the closet my left shoulder suddenly decides that "hey, I've been working non-stop for 18 freakin years. I'm going out for a smoke."

I start going left like a racecar that just blew a tire. I fall backwards, first I felt the floor. Then I felt the TV, crashing down, onto my ribcage. I was 90% sure at the time if I wasn't dead I had deffinately broken something. Even though I didn't my shoulder hurt like a bitch for a few weeks.

MORAL: I'm not really sure what the moral is, but falling off a chair and having a TV land on you fucking sucks.

(An artists dramatic depiction of what occured.)

Friendships Are Weird

I have two best friends. One of them writes in this blog. For the sake of their security, I will call them Friend A and Friend Tim.

I met Friend A in January of 2004 on my school bus. I was the new kid, an instant outsider, and he wasn't exactly the most popular kid in school. Considering he lived down the road and we shared similar interests in Star Wars, video games and tormenting the only kid around more nerdy than we were, it shouldn't be a surprise that we became fast friends. But, becoming friends with someone because you share interests is not why this friendship is weird.

I met Friend Tim in the later months of 2004, in our ninth grade history class. Unlike Friend A, my friendship with Friend Tim gets weird right from the get-go. My first words I recall ever saying to him were the following: "Fuck off." True story. As you may or may not be able to tell, he didn't.

Back to Friend A. Most people are adverse to death threats or violence. Now, I'm not exactly certain, but I feel like being almost impaled with a large sharp metal object is a friendship-ender for the average person. Of course, that's not to say Friend Tim isn't dangerous. In fact, he's partially the reason I sleep with a knife under my pillow. At the same time, Friend Tim has also never thrown a medium sized television set at my head.

Of course there's a lot more to all of these friendships than flying televisions and pain. There's Mystery Science Theater-ing, three a.m. Wawa runs and ghost hunting. The point is, our friendships are weird. Most people don't enjoy terrible movies, are asleep at three in the morning and run away the second they hear about ghosts.

Moral of the story: The best of friends are the friends that have the same level of weird. Also, the best friends are the ones that are incredibly durable and have horrible accuracy. Because if they don't, then somebody dies.

Awesome Facebook Posts

So, its finals week. That's why I found myself hitting the "Older posts..." button for the better part of 2 hours. Once I got past the 3 year mark my computer froze. These were my favorite statuses and/or exchanges that took place between last year and 2008.

1) Remember that thing I said about my sister being an idiot?

2) This was aparently an exchange between my girlfriend and myself while we were both using my facebook

3) I really couldn't tell you.

There was one other one I tried to archive from my American Government class last year but my computer decided to be stupid before I could get it. I was relaying portions of a debate that was taking place at the time. There was a girl in the front of the class who was raging about the war in Iraq, and how it was illegal and what have you, debate goes on, someone said something about drilling in Alaska rather than invade the Middle East because human life was more valuable than animal, same girl yells "No! Animals are not less important then people! Send the troops off to fight! They signed up for it!

I was baffled.

A few observations...

A few things on my mind the past week or so:

• Good Student vs. Smart people
• I know a few people personally that do much better in school than me. My sister and my girlfriend jump to mind immediately. While it is extremely hard to motivate myself to do something unless it is incredibly appealing or will have the end result of food, whatever it is will either not be completed or will be completed in the wee hours leading up to the assigned completion time. While I am usually very clutch in these instances and am able to smile smugly while the professor has to comment on how I "have great potential as a writer," after they had spent the previous weeks telling me how I desperately required a tutor or have bad hand writing. However, my girlfriend and my sister rarely have these encounters. They spend time working on their topics, do research, have multiple drafts and don't question the validity of the professor's authority.  However, once you leave school and return to reality, they have the collective IQ of a bag of rocks. To demonstrate that point I'll leave a few situations and how they responded:
• My girlfriend on seeing the reflection of her cellphone on the back of her laptop: "OH NO! THE PHONE IS STUCK TO MY LAPTOP!"

• My girlfriend on being lost in the woods of northern New Jersey, minutes from Manhattan: "There was a horn or something! and and and I think it was the bear alarm! TIM I HAVE EMOTIONAL BEAR SYNDROME!"
• My sister on having a good memory: "I have the memory of a dinosaur!"
• My sister on a hamburger last summer: "*mrrggh* Tees are goof boogers
• "My sister on having a bird stuck in the grill of her car: "Yes I'm going to leave the bird in the grill! what if it comes to life and starts pecking me to death like in birds?! I can't handle that right now. I can't handle it. So I'm gonna leave it alone and let it sleep!"

Procrastination

Procrastination - (verb) the act of putting off actions or tasks to a later time.

Thats straight from wikipedia that is. I have a feeling that a large portion, if not the entirity of this blog will be  filled with posts, fueled by procrastination.

Monday was particulary bad. I had an essay that is worth a fairly large portion of my final grade, I had a shot to turn it in less than a week late, because getting it in on time was already a lost cause. I usually return to campus around 6 if the Jets play at 1, or at 1 if they play at 4, but my Father delcared at one point as the pre-game preperations were taking place that "Hey, I don't have work all week, how about I take you back on Monday!"

My Brain screamed "NO! Thats a bad idea! Work must be accomplished! If you stay home only football and video games will ensue! At school at least it will be football and work..ish."

However, what came out of my mouth was something along the lines "Yeah, I like that idea!"

So, Monday rolls around. No work acomplished. I sit through the ridicule of my first professor, because thats what she does, The terror of my second class because my department head teaches it, and finally the entertainment of my last class, because we end up spending half of US history to 1865 talking about current events.

Monday night, I tell myself, I'll do work. However, I have never, ever, been able to acomplish any work on a Monday night.

Hello, My name is Tim. And I'm addicted to football. I know I have a problem, but I CAN'T HELP IT. I start talking about it even though I know no one wants to talk about it, or knows anything about it. And I die on the inside when I manage to find someone who does actually want to discuss it, but they don't really know anything about it, or what they do know has been outdated for the past 7 seasons. (I know Preist Holmes was awesome and all, but c'mon now.)

So, Though I had no stake in this game, other than the fairly bleak hope that Malcom Floyd would score 80 fantasy points, I watched anyway.

I sat there in complete and utter disgust with myself as I watched a game I couldn't care less about with my work sitting incompete on my desk.

I finally managed to do something. This is what I acomplished in 6 hours of work:

Also, I realize the complete and utter irony of this post as it's about procrastination, and yet by writing this I was actually anti-procrastinating.

UPDATE

I was talking to my mother the other day. We were discussing various tv shows and movies. I mentioned that I had yet to watch any of Boardwalk Empire after the first episode, thats where it hit me. Not only do I procrastinate, but I procrastinate when I'm supposed to be procrastinating. Instead of watching that show during the times I should be doing work, I find other movies to watch instead. I have a problem.

Well, this is awkward...

You know that feeling you get when you're left alone in a room with someone you barely know. You both exhale loudly, simultaneously wondering without words what that guy was thinking when he decided to leave you alone with someone you barely know. The brief, excruciating, eye contact is exchanged, followed by the nervous laugh. Someone invariably steps up, takes a shot at sparking a conversation, says something like "How 'bout Sanchez last week?" only to be met with "Uh, Who's Sanchez?" then comes the shame spiral and the mumbled response about  "football.....Jets....quarterback..." The other person laughs nervously again. then asks "So, you like football?" But at this point you're so absorbed into your self-loathing and disgust that you can only half-heatedly respond with a "Yeah, heh, sorta..." At that point all you can do is become overly fascinated in your pants and can't be bothered to notice there actually is still another person in the room.

Well, This is my attempt to thwart that situation. I'm Tim! And this has become the fixation of my unbelievably one track mind. I hope that posts from my comrades will follow, and details of our potentially awesome exploits, as well as our slow domination of the Internets.