Dreams

 I had been meaning to write something on this topic for several weeks. I feel there has bee a string of recurring concepts in my dreams that make them odd even by dream standards. At first I attributed it to odd sleeping habits, then watching weird shows before bed. Now I have no Idea.

The first one occurred in December over winter break. I had stayed up just about all night playing madden and passed out around 10am. I slept for just about 2 hours, yet in that two hours this occurred:
 I'm in my backyard, only it isn't my back yard. It looks like my backyard but where my neighbor's fence usually is is now rolling landscapes peppered with large pine trees. I imagine this is how Montana would look. The next thing I know me and Brad are walking through the woods. I'm holding a map that leads us to the secret. What the secret is, I don't know, I suppose that's why it's a secret. Suddenly from no where: Bear attack. Bears everywhere. Not the New Jersey black bears either, Canadian, I'll eat you and your family, bears, big bears, bear cavalry bears. We both run. I make it back to my kitchen and from the window over the sink I see Brad still in the yard. Trapped between the jaws of a massive grizzly, slowly being ripped to pieces. The bear stands in the tree line looking right at me, almost mocking me by taking my friend's life.

At this point I smelled someone making bacon, and that was enough of a kick to send me out of my dream and into the real world with a sense of 'the fuck just happend' and 'Oh man, I'm starving.'

The next several weeks I don't remember in such detail, but there are definitely two common themes: More bears, dead hookers and dead ex-girlfriends.

This morning I suddenly found myself in the building I have most of my classes in, only it wasn't that building, it was the main entrance of my high school. I see my ex girlfriend walk in, ex-a for all intents and purposes. The thing about her was after we broke up she insisted on trying to be my friend. Now, I never understood this concept that girls have, but for my own personal coping methods, when a girl broke up with me I just cut off that whole portion of my life. Anything we both were into, any friends I made because of her, whatever, just, gone so I wouldn't have to think about it. So, seeing her in class everyday for an entire year and having to deal with her trying to play nice and everything got old fast.

So ex-a walks into the room and instantly sees me. It's as if I can hear the tracking computer in her head go 'target acquired.' I instantly take evasive action, into the stairwell. Now the building has the stair case for my dorm and I'm damn near sprinting up multiple floors. (missing frames) I'm in her room talking to her, only it's not my ex-girlfriend, it's a hybrid of my ex and current girlfriend (missing frames) My sister sees me talking to her. I need to get her. This cannot be spoken of. She'll rat me out for sure. I try and chase her down before she can get to the telportation portal. (missing frames) My hybrid girlfriend is dead. I'm dragging her body somewhere, a feeling of desperation creeping over me. My alarm goes off, I wake up with the feeling 'God dammit, I need a dream interperter.'

If my brain were to release a greatest hits CD of my dreams it'd be called "Hookers, Bears, and Girlfriends: the life and times of Tim."

My Brain Is Shutting Down

This:



Awesome facebook posts #2

I was having lunch with a friend yesterday and he reminded me of this coversation. Good times.

Move in day

UPDATE:   I felt it necessary to add that, aside from myself and Brad no one else on the planet has ever been almost killed by a TV.



How many people can honestly say they were nearly killed by a TV? This guy can.  On Janurary 17th 2009 I hurriedly packed up my belongings and went to school against my will. Having returned home in the extremely early hours, only to get an email from my school saying "hey bitch, be here tomorrow."

Tomorrow rolls around, and We're enroute. I'm ansy all day because the Jets are in the playoffs and they're rolling. I'm the only one it seems who thinks that they don't only have a shot against the Chargers, but will win.

I miserably carry my stuff in through a freezing rain while texting my angry girlfriend who I had to blow off to go back, but didn't believe I even was at school. After about 4 back and forths between the car, and the 4 flights of stairs to my room I watch the Cowboys get beat down by the Vikings. Alright. It's game time.

I hurry to my room and first things first, TV needs to get set up.  Without question the best place in my mind to put the TV was atop my roommates closet, it's in the corner, you can see it from everywhere in the room, its the best spot.

My TV isn't new. I'm pretty sure I got it on my 13th birthday. It's huge and bulky  and nearly impossible to hold comfortably. Not only is it hard to hold normally, but at that moment I was standing on a chair that was built to rock slightly. As I go to raise the TV onto the closet my left shoulder suddenly decides that "hey, I've been working non-stop for 18 freakin years. I'm going out for a smoke."

I start going left like a racecar that just blew a tire. I fall backwards, first I felt the floor. Then I felt the TV, crashing down, onto my ribcage. I was 90% sure at the time if I wasn't dead I had deffinately broken something. Even though I didn't my shoulder hurt like a bitch for a few weeks.

MORAL: I'm not really sure what the moral is, but falling off a chair and having a TV land on you fucking sucks.

(An artists dramatic depiction of what occured.)

Friendships Are Weird

I have two best friends. One of them writes in this blog. For the sake of their security, I will call them Friend A and Friend Tim.

I met Friend A in January of 2004 on my school bus. I was the new kid, an instant outsider, and he wasn't exactly the most popular kid in school. Considering he lived down the road and we shared similar interests in Star Wars, video games and tormenting the only kid around more nerdy than we were, it shouldn't be a surprise that we became fast friends. But, becoming friends with someone because you share interests is not why this friendship is weird.

I met Friend Tim in the later months of 2004, in our ninth grade history class. Unlike Friend A, my friendship with Friend Tim gets weird right from the get-go. My first words I recall ever saying to him were the following: "Fuck off." True story. As you may or may not be able to tell, he didn't.

Back to Friend A. Most people are adverse to death threats or violence. Now, I'm not exactly certain, but I feel like being almost impaled with a large sharp metal object is a friendship-ender for the average person. Of course, that's not to say Friend Tim isn't dangerous. In fact, he's partially the reason I sleep with a knife under my pillow. At the same time, Friend Tim has also never thrown a medium sized television set at my head.

Of course there's a lot more to all of these friendships than flying televisions and pain. There's Mystery Science Theater-ing, three a.m. Wawa runs and ghost hunting. The point is, our friendships are weird. Most people don't enjoy terrible movies, are asleep at three in the morning and run away the second they hear about ghosts.

Moral of the story: The best of friends are the friends that have the same level of weird. Also, the best friends are the ones that are incredibly durable and have horrible accuracy. Because if they don't, then somebody dies.

Awesome Facebook Posts

So, its finals week. That's why I found myself hitting the "Older posts..." button for the better part of 2 hours. Once I got past the 3 year mark my computer froze. These were my favorite statuses and/or exchanges that took place between last year and 2008.

1) Remember that thing I said about my sister being an idiot?

2) This was aparently an exchange between my girlfriend and myself while we were both using my facebook

3) I really couldn't tell you.

There was one other one I tried to archive from my American Government class last year but my computer decided to be stupid before I could get it. I was relaying portions of a debate that was taking place at the time. There was a girl in the front of the class who was raging about the war in Iraq, and how it was illegal and what have you, debate goes on, someone said something about drilling in Alaska rather than invade the Middle East because human life was more valuable than animal, same girl yells "No! Animals are not less important then people! Send the troops off to fight! They signed up for it!

I was baffled.

A few observations...

A few things on my mind the past week or so:

• Good Student vs. Smart people
• I know a few people personally that do much better in school than me. My sister and my girlfriend jump to mind immediately. While it is extremely hard to motivate myself to do something unless it is incredibly appealing or will have the end result of food, whatever it is will either not be completed or will be completed in the wee hours leading up to the assigned completion time. While I am usually very clutch in these instances and am able to smile smugly while the professor has to comment on how I "have great potential as a writer," after they had spent the previous weeks telling me how I desperately required a tutor or have bad hand writing. However, my girlfriend and my sister rarely have these encounters. They spend time working on their topics, do research, have multiple drafts and don't question the validity of the professor's authority.  However, once you leave school and return to reality, they have the collective IQ of a bag of rocks. To demonstrate that point I'll leave a few situations and how they responded:
• My girlfriend on seeing the reflection of her cellphone on the back of her laptop: "OH NO! THE PHONE IS STUCK TO MY LAPTOP!"

• My girlfriend on being lost in the woods of northern New Jersey, minutes from Manhattan: "There was a horn or something! and and and I think it was the bear alarm! TIM I HAVE EMOTIONAL BEAR SYNDROME!"
• My sister on having a good memory: "I have the memory of a dinosaur!"
• My sister on a hamburger last summer: "*mrrggh* Tees are goof boogers
• "My sister on having a bird stuck in the grill of her car: "Yes I'm going to leave the bird in the grill! what if it comes to life and starts pecking me to death like in birds?! I can't handle that right now. I can't handle it. So I'm gonna leave it alone and let it sleep!"